Empaths: It’s Time to Release Co-Dependent Relationships
Empaths are some of the most loving, giving and compassionate people on our planet. Because we care so much, we can easily fall into co-dependent and ‘rescuer’ relationships.
We sense into another’s core wounds, their deepest suffering.
It feels like their wounds are our wounds.
We almost can’t stand to feel anyone being in pain.
Yet to be clear, this role we can drop into so quickly — the rescuer, is not always about helping others. It’s partially about making ourselves feel better and retaining the upper hand in the relationship.
When an empath pushes hard for the other to try their solution or even outright handles it for them, the empath feels temporary relief. Without allowing the other person to be the initiator of their own healing, the pain and dysfunction always comes back.
At some level, an empath ‘rescuer’ feels better about themselves by helping someone else out of their depression, addiction or shadow.
This drive to rescue usually stems from an unresolved wound in childhood. Desperately striving to fix this person as a stand-in for one of your family members because they exhibited the same dysfunctional behaviors or because they weren’t able to provide you with the love and nurturing you needed as a child.
Co-dependency happens when one person exhibits repeated destructive or addictive behavior, yet refuses to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. And the other person covers for them, tries to rescue them.
Granted, it may be overwhelming for the other person to make a real change or they have no idea how to help themselves. Or by playing the role of victim, they might gain the attention they never received from their family of origin.
An empath then swoops in to be their knight in shining armor.
I can fix you!
I can rescue you!
I see your full potential, if only you could change this or that, life will be happy and wonderful for us.
At first, it sounds like a sweet deal. One person doesn’t have to face their darkness and the empath gets the satisfaction of being the strong one, the helper, the ‘healer.’
As you may know personally, this scenario always ends badly. Eventually, the person being rescued grows resentful and starts to dig in their heels.
Quit treating me like a child! I don’t care what you say, I’m not going to rehab or work on my health or try to get a job or be a better partner!
Bitter arguments, silent treatment, gaslighting, anxiety, emotional and even physical abuse. A manipulative power struggle ensues.
The empath feels wounded and rejected. Why don’t you want my help? Why won’t you listen? I can sense what’s best for you!
Or the empath is furious, they’ve been so used.
Or the empath feels hollow, everything they’ve done, everything they’ve given didn’t fill that endless void within.
Empaths, this is a loving invitation to finally release co-dependent relationship patterns.
You are enough, all by yourself. You don’t need to give or fix or rescue anyone, not even yourself.
It’s time to release being a sponge for everyone else’s stuff, stop imitating the mythical figure of Atlas by holding the entire cosmos on your shoulders.
It’s time to practice your new role as a sacred mirror.
Practice holding space for someone else’s highest good without taking on their dysfunction as your own. Recognize that every person has the power to improve the course of their life, should they decide to.
Their timing may not match yours and that’s something you just can’t control. I know it’s hard to imagine, but by allowing them to struggle through their own challenges, you’re helping their soul grow at the highest level.
It’s time to focus on what you need to be healthy and vital. Let go of over-giving. Know that concentrating on your own needs is not selfish.
It’s time to make conscious choices about with whom you spend your time and energy:
Those who uplift you.
Those who take responsibility for their own inner and outer work.
You deserve healthy, loving and reciprocal relationships.
