I’m tired of always being the rebel…

Bevin Niemann-Cortez
3 min readMar 6, 2022

--

About a month ago, I took an online quiz that proposed to reveal my unique business marketing style, so I could share ideas and messages with potential clients in a way that honors my natural gifts and abilities. Okay, I’m game.

I can’t remember exactly the wording of the results, but essentially it stated that I’m most effective when I embrace the rebellious side of my personality. When ‘stick it to the man’ comes out in my writing and teaching. When I publicly go to battle and call for the dismantling of dysfunctional systems.

A part of me felt vindicated.

Hell yeh, I’ve been sticking it to the man for years! This is great, I don’t need to tone it down or hold back, because people like it when I’m controversial. So, as I allowed inspiration to flow through me, I went all in. I wrote newsletters that called out business tactics I don’t agree with. I posted edgy memes on my social media channels.

Guess what? The test was right. When I’m controversial or ‘in their face’ with my writing, more people read. More people comment, and more people cheer me on. But honestly, it felt like a hollow victory.

Because playing the rebel 24/7 drains my energy.

I’m not always in the mood for controversy, or to field negative comments that come alongside the positive. That type of attention is draining. Sometimes, I just want to be positive, share happy news and cheer someone on who I find inspiring.

The last thing I want is to be put in a box. As I’ve come to know myself, I do have an inner persona who likes to stir the pot — not denying that at all. However, I’m much more than a soundbite, more complex than a controversial mic drop.

I frequently have moments of joy and awe when I can’t believe how amazing life is. I weep during touching commercials and love nothing more than to spend a morning listening to jazz and playing in my garden. I am not only a badass spiritual warrior, but also a poet with a romantic heart.

True, being a warrior is empowering. It also made me sad (crying as I write this), to think of having to present myself in this singular way, just to get more clicks and reads. No, I don’t think so.

--

--

Bevin Niemann-Cortez

Social-Emotional Healer | Sacred Space Designer | Budding Herbalist