What I’ve observed is when someone gets triggered (and we all do), almost always there is a situation in the past when someone, treated us in a hurtful, abusive or even unacceptable way. Then, when something happens that feels even remotely similar, it brings up all that pain and usually the first reaction is to defend ourselves - because we may not have done so in the past.

Defending ourselves in the now feels empowering (I’m not going to take that shit anymore), even if we do it in a way that’s less conscious or if we can’t see that the new person doesn’t have the same motives as the old person who hurt us.

It can be difficult to know when to share our story to show we understand the struggle and when to simply listen and empathize. What I’m working on is recognizing every single human being is doing the best they know how, in the moment. It’s a work in progress for me…