When an empath says no, other people might not like it

When we look at the three dysfunctional parts of the drama triangle: perpetrator, victim and rescuer, by far the most common role empaths play is the rescuer. Otherwise known as the fixer, the savior or the martyr.

We sense when someone is hurting or struggling so we immediately want to spring into action to help them.

Why is this our default reaction?

Because when they are hurting, so are we. And empaths are natural healers.

Yet diving in right away moves an empath into an unhealthy habit of giving and giving and giving some more until you’re absolutely depleted. Your energy system is failing while exhaustion and resentment set in.

Worst of all, by taking on other people’s drama, problems and emotions, you are actually robbing them of the life lesson they are meant to experience.

If everything is taken care of for them, they will not learn and progress.

Learning how to speak an empowered no is one of the most important skills for empaths and highly sensitive people. It can feel mega uncomfortable. Declining to help might have you feeling harsh, uncaring or even selfish.

No is none of those things. It’s a indicator of your health and well-being.

Your comfort level with saying no reveals how much you actually love and value yourself. How committed you are to protecting your energy field vs. carelessly giving it away to everyone, for any reason.

Let’s explore the strength of an empowered no.

Saying no from an empowered place means that you’ve honestly and objectively looked at your current responsibilities and asked, ‘Do I have time to get involved? Do I have the extra emotional, mental and physical energy to devote to this person, problem or situation? What will be the impact on me and others if I decide to take this on?’

An empowered no invites you to step back from your instinctual helper response and make a mindful decision about what is healthy for you and what is not.

So, what happens when you begin practicing an empowered no?

People who’ve been used to your continuous yes’s may become upset. They might not understand, get angry, whine, threaten, or give you a guilt trip.

This is a pivotal moment for you.

Will you stand firm for what you are not willing to take on, for what is not yours to handle?

Or will you give in to please them or avoid uncomfortable conflict?

For those of you who aren’t sure how to speak an empowered no, here’s an example (modify to fit your particular situation):

Imagine one of your friends calls you every day complaining about their life. They keep rehashing the same story over and over and don’t seem to be at all interested in pursuing a solution. You want to be there for them, but the conversations leave you emotionally exhausted — when their number pops up on your phone, a feeling of dread comes over you. Not again!

When you’re making a decision on auto pilot, your first reaction is to answer the phone and quietly listen. I mean it’s what empaths are good at, right?

Stop for a moment and take inventory of what else is happening in your life. What’s needing your full time, attention and emotional energy right now? Be honest with yourself.

Then pick up the phone and tell your friend, you’re happy they called, but because you have other obligations today, you will not be able to talk right now. Wish them a positive day and close the conversation.

Whew, that felt strange and better and a little uncertain.

Will they be hurt?
Will they still be my friend?
Damn it, I can feel them being hurt!

Breathe and ask for their emotions to be released from your energy field. Remind yourself of the priorities you are committing to and move positively towards one of those.

If your friend truly respects you, they will respect your empowered no by honoring your time and your boundaries. If they do not respect that you can’t be there for them at the drop of a hat, you now have an important piece of information.

They are showing who they are. They are showing what you really mean to them.

How does an empath shift from being the doormat for everyone’s problems to loving yourself and choosing a life that nurtures your soul?

An empowered no is an important first step.

I invite you to receive my 3-part complementary video training, The Path to Your Life Purpose…